Thursday, November 24, 2011

Part of story, feedback please!

I have had this idea for quite a long time, ever since I did a video of Sophie to Once Upon A December from Anastasia. So here is a little bit of it, this is my first time I've written from Sophie's point of view, so sorry if it's horrible but I couldn't stop myself from writing this! So here the plot line to help. 
Sophie in this story is the wife of Dean Ellis, the son of Apollo and the mom of
five children, Carson, Trinity, Melanie, Faith and Danny.
She is also a powerful witch, a gargoyle who is also a warlock named Murdoc who steals powers, kidnaps Sophie and makes her drink a potion that makes her lose her memory.
To become an all powerful warlock, he must turn sophie into a gargoyle and make her his queen.
Sophie is trying regain her memory and only gets images of events but they are a blur.
Dean who on a endless quest to find Sophie, tries to communite with Sophie through telepathy. (they have a link like Grover and Percy in The Percy Jackson series), and he gets a hold of her, with a little bit of her past to keep her company, helps her slowly regain her memory, like in Anastasia when her grandmother comes in and Anya realizes her gloves smell of peppermint and it brings back her memory. Have I mentioned I love that movie lately? :)
Please read and give me feedback on what I need to improve on and what you liked, because I'll reedit it and might take out your favorite part because you didn't tell me. :) I know the paragraphs aren't indented but I wrote this off my iPod and it doesn't indent. Also I know my characters talk about the past a lot, I just love flashbacks and backstories A LOT! I don't know why! Sorry I'll shut up now so you can read!
-Britt
P.s. The pictures are Sophie, how I picture her before her hair went silver, and the two others are Dean, how I picture him except his hair is shorter! I just kept thinking of the pic of him with the sword while writing this :) pics are from Legend of Tom Cruise and Mia Sara.



"Sophie!" someone called.
I awoke with a start as if I had had a nightmare.
"Sophie? Can you hear me?" they called out again.
I looked around, feeling a presence but saw no one. "Who's there?"
"Oh, thank goodness! You answered! Are you alright?" it was man's voice, about in his late thirties.
"...I'm sort of freaked out." I answered, first being kidnapped by Murdoc and now I was hearing a voice who knew me but I did not know him.
"Don't worry, we're looking for you." he said.
"Who are you?" I dared to ask.
"Sophie, it's me. Dean." the man said, shock in his voice.
The voice sounded familiar and I saw a blurry image of a man but it was fading all too soon.
"Dean, your husband!" the man exclaimed.
"I'm married?" I questioned, glancing at my hand, a silver ring with a blue diamond and my name ingrained onto the band.
"Yes, we've married since August 31st, 1989."
I looked at the ring, "1989?" I said, "I was seventeen when we got married than."
"I was eighteen, I was about to go into the air force and we loved each other. We now have five beautiful 
My heart skipped a beat, I was a mother? To five children? How could I not remember five children?
"You don't remember them, do you?" Dean said, sadly.
"No, Murdoc must of given me a potion that wiped my memory." I said, I kept my eyes locked on my wedding ring, afraid that it would also disappear like my memory.
"Don't worry, Sophie. When we find you, I'll make sure you get your memory back." Dean promised.
"Dean, what's their names?" I asked, referring to the children.
I knew he was smiling I could sense in his voice, "Carson, Melanie, Trinity, Faith and Danny. They love you a lot"
"And I love them a lot too?" I knew it was a stupid question, but I wanted to see if it would help my memory.
"Yes, Sophie. You love them more than anything." he said, his voice was warm.
"Dean...?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you love me?"
Dean paused for a minute, "oh, yes Sophie. I love you more than the sun, the stars. You are my sun and my angel of music."
I smiled, I wish I could remember Dean. I said a silent pray in my heart that I would regain my memory soon.
I heard footsteps and Murdoc's voice down the hallway by my bedroom. "I have to go, Dean." I said, but his presence was gone.


I was not comfortable in the dress Murdoc forced me to wear, or on the throne I had to sit in.
A giant table filled with food, Murdoc sat at the other end; he dug into the food but I hadn't touched any.
It may be like the potion that wiped my memory, it might force me to become his servant.
"Eat my queen," Murdoc said, his shaggy blond hair covered his small horns on his head and his red eyes gleamed at me across the table.
"I'm not hungary," I answered.
"Nonsense, you haven't eaten all day."
"I will not eat and I am not your queen." I said firmly.
"Tonight when I complete the spell at midnight, you will become my gargoyle queen!" Murdoc got out of his seat, his gargoyle wings wrapped around like a cape. He walked over to a case and opened it. A silver tiara sat with a black diamond in the center.
"You will wear this," he walked towards me and placed on my head. "And you and I shall rule the magic world as king and queen."
I looked up at the tiara, black was my style but I wasn't into becoming a gargoyle.
"Now eat my dear." he placed a plate filled with food already near me.
I twisted with my ring as I looked at the ingrained, My Sophie.
I tried to think of what Dean looked like, he must be very handsome and sweet. He must be  warlock or a...demigod, the word just came into my mind.
...Demigod son of Apollo.
Apollo, the god of the sun. I thought to myself. "You are my sun and my angel of music." I remembered.
I wish I could of told him something similar.
"Eat now, my queen." Murdoc ordered.
I looked up, a grim but disgusted look on my face. How dare did this gargoyle claim me as his queen when I had already given my heart to someone else?
"NO!" I exclaimed, getting out of my seat, "I AM NOT YOUR QUEEN!" I yelled, getting a flash of a memory of myself with Dean singing (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear by Elvis Presley for Valentine's Day and me laughing.
Murdoc glared at me, "oh? Than who are you?"
I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead, I saw flashes of memories, a blur but they were enough.
"I am Sophie May Jerkins Ellis, I'm a powerful witch, a top graduate at Burning Rose. I also am married to Dean Ellis, son of Apollo, we were married on August 31st, 1989, I am the mother of five children, I am my own person and I..." I pointed my finger at him, "...I will not allow you to be the boss over me!" I remembered my lessons from professor Takren at Burning Rose and yelled a spell. A bright white flash shot out of my finger and at Murdoc.
He flew back in his throne, crashing into the wall of his castle.
I threw the tiara off my head and walked off.
"You dare to challenge me, witch?" Murdoc said in a threat like voice, "you soon will wish you didn't!"
I heard growling and turned to see Murdoc grow 8 feet, his horns grew to about my height and his skin turned from a pale peach color to a stone gray, his teeth were now like knifes.
I backed up into the wall.
"Now you see foolish witch! You never challenge a gargoyle!!" Murdoc said, though he sounded like he was yelling because his voice became extremely deep and  it echoed off the walls of the castle. "I am all powerful and if you shall pay for not becoming my queen."
I spoke softly, "are you going to kill me?"
Murdoc chuckled, "you wish I would but no, I will kill your family."
My eyes went wide, Dean's face coming clearly in my mind and the faces of our children.
"No! Don't touch them!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, but I will. Right in front of you!" he said.
"No! Leave them alone, you monster!" I felt hot tears of anger coming down my cheeks.
Murdoc laughed. "There is only one way to save your family, Sophie. Become my queen and I will spare your family."
I looked down, I didn't want him to touch my family, I was starting to remember. I remembered Dean and I dancing at our wedding, how his brown eyes had a sparkle to them when he smiled, the way he held me in his arms. I remembered singing along to Enya as Carson laid on the floor as a baby, I remembered Melanie telling me about her adventures at school, and Trinity's sweet laugh and how he looked strangely like my father, I remembered Faith, the way she always followed Dean around because she always wanted to be just like him and the way Danny's eyes sparkled like Dean's. I remembered my love for Dean, how my little crush in eighth grade became my husband. He helped me deal with the horrible memories of the past, my parents being trapped in the fire that burnt down my house and fighting the monsters in my hallautions. I would never let Murdoc touch them. I wouldn't be able to live myself.
"Well? Do you have an answer?" Murdoc asked.
I looked up and opened my mouth.
"SOPHIE! NO!" I heard someone screamed.
Murdoc turned around, "Who dares enters my palace without my permission!"
"We do!" a boy about fourteen yelled, a man about twenty one and a girl about the boy's age stood by him, holding ropes.
"Charge!" the man yelled, holding up a sword that shimmered in the fire from the torches from the walls.
They took off, swinging through the air towards Murdoc.
I felt a strong arm around me suddenly, I tried to scream but a hand went over to my mouth, I bit it as I was turned around.
"Ow!" a man about 6'3 with brown hair and sparkling brown eyes said, taking his hand off my mouth.
I gasped and hugged the man, "Dean! Oh, my, gosh!" I exclaimed, hugging him around the neck tightly.
"Ow! Ow!" he yelped and I let go immediately.
"I'm so sorry," I said, I reached my hand out and touched his face.
It was rough and a little prickly from not shaving.
Dean smiled, "I'm fine, are you alright?" He took my hand gently. I smiled as I felt his wedding ring, the one I bought him with his mom, I remembered clearly.
"I'm so happy to see you," I smiled.
"Me too," he kissed me, it felt like the world was set right again. "Let's talk later and kick some Murdoc butt." Dean than took out his sword and ran into battle.
I smiled, just like old times I thought, following him.
"Haha! What is this?" Murdoc bellowed when Dean and I came to protect the kids. "The whole Ellis family?"
"I command you to let Sophie go!" Dean ordered.
Murdoc gave a cocky smile, "ahh, Dean. You are a brave man, this is like the time I battled your little son, Trinity."
"Dad, what is he talking about?" Danny asked.
Murdoc chuckled, "I see you haven't told them yet."
"Leave him out of this!" Dean exclaimed.
I didn't know what Murdoc was talking about, Trinity had disappeared when he was 12, not a day went by that I didn't think of him.
"Your son, dear Sophie, is now my servant. He is the one who told me where you were located, he told me of your weaknesses and powers!" Murdoc said, "Trinity!"
A boy about seventeen came out, he had shoulder length black hair like my dad, he was suppose to have my silver eyes but instead they were blood shot red.
"Yes master?" he asked.
"Trinity!" Dean yelled out, he ran to Trinity.
Trinity hissed and showed fangs. My, gosh. I thought, he has been changed into a vampire. "Away half-blood!"
"Trinity, it's me, your dad." Dean said.
"I said back half-blood or I'll tear your throat out!"
Dean backed up, shocked as I was.
Dean's stepfather was a vampire but never acted this way.
"What did you do to him?" Dean shouted at Murdoc.
Murdoc smiled, "he is now a vampire, a very dangerous one indeed. He has no memory of you or your family."
"That can't be true!" Melanie yelled, "I'm his twin sister! He has to remember me!"
Murdoc turned to Melanie, "you may join him, dear child." Murdoc reached his hand towards Melanie.
"Don't touch her!" Dean and I both exclaimed, Dean threw his sword, Star at Murdoc as I yelled a spell. A bright green flash shot at Murdoc, throwing Carson, Melanie, Danny, Faith and i back.
"DEAN!" I cried.
I heard Murdoc yell and a giant crash.
"You think you may have won this time, witch! But you haven't seen the last of me!!" Murdoc's voice echoed through the castle.
I put my arm around the kids. I prayed that Dean and Trinity were alright.
The green light died down and I couldn't hear Murdoc's yells anymore.
I opened my eyes, we were in the magic world. By the wooden tree that contained a house that Dean and I had stayed in once during festivals.
I looked at the kids and did a head count, Carson, Melanie, Faith and Danny. I wished Trinity was here though.
I looked around, searching for Dean. But no sign of him.
I wanted to cry, he's dead I just know it.
"Sophie? Kids? You guys here?" my heart leaped out of my chest as I heard Dean's voice.
"Over here!" I yelled and Dean came out from behind a tree a few  seconds later.
"Dean!" I got up and ran to him, leaping into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and kissed him.
Dean laughed, "hey Sophie. We got everyone?"
I smiled and looked at the kids, they were all nestled in the grass asleep, I hoped they'd think the whole thing was a dream.
"Yeah...except Trinity..." I said, sadly.
Dean put me down on the ground and picked up Star, he ran his hand on the hilt and gave me a smile, "don't worry, Sophie. We'll find him."
"You sure?"
"I'm pretty sure," he said than lifted my chin and kissed me, putting his arm around my back.
It felt great to be back in his arms again.